Who I Am Outside Myself
One morning in 2019, I was painting in the sunlight that spilled through the entrance of my home. I had the main door open and the screen door lifted to let the morning breeze in. I was in the thick of a healing journey then—one centered around my Taqwa, my consciousness of Allah.
That day, I was overwhelmed with emotion—specifically a sadness I hadn’t named before. It came from a deep realization that I hadn’t been giving Allah His due credit. Too many miracles had passed me by, and I hadn’t acknowledged them as His. I had fallen into a habit of ungratefulness that I hadn’t even noticed forming. Then something magical happened.
While I painted, a beautiful bird came to the screen door. We locked eyes, and it felt like a scene straight from a Disney film. Time paused. In that very moment, Allah put something on my heart and in my mind: He was proud of me. I remember that clearly—feeling that He was near, that He saw me, and that I was vibrating at such a high frequency. It had only been a few months into my focused spiritual journey, but that moment felt like divine reassurance.
Fast forward to today—May 2025—and something eerily similar happened. This time, I was doing laundry, fixing breakfast for the kids, and being in a state of quiet gratitude for my current season of healing. It’s been a different kind of journey now, deeper in some ways, more layered in others. There’s so much happening in my life that I haven’t sat down to process or write about—this isn’t that moment either—but what happened couldn’t wait.
As I stood at the kitchen sink, a crow came to the window. Not just flying by—this bird latched on to something and turned its whole neck to look directly into the window. We had a full-on staring contest. I stood there stunned, emotional, because it brought me instantly back to 2019.
It’s been years since I’ve had such a personal, intimate interaction with one of Allah’s bird creations. These aren’t just coincidences for me. They are full circle moments, tailored in a language only Allah and I understand. And I feel so seen. So loved.
These are the moments that make my heart want to burst with joy—signs that Allah is near, that He hasn’t forgotten me, and that things are always happening for me, not to me.. Alhamdulillah